WELCUM 2 DA JUNGLE

OMG ZO KEWT

TRANZMUTANTZ

After reading dis article I was tinkin wat if tranzpopplz were just lik x-men? you know, da whole gene mutation part...Also ull notyss that I blogrolled D-BANXXXORZ blog, the reach around, MAJOR lolz @ dat. ps l00k at how emo da beast iz -->> lolz don cry kitteh i shnuggle wif yew

PATRICK SWAYZE IZ MAI MAIN SQUEEZZZE

SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTIONNNNZZZ

K iz supr psyched dat i finally gawt my picz uv may fartwerk on da interwebzzzz.//now i post sum picz here. yew can see da rest by clikin DIS

KATWOMAN

Hok. da catwoman post had tew be mayd/<3>

FUR OLE TYMEZ SAKE

ps does rocky have a comb-over?

COURTESY OF DER SPIEGELLL

Ahhh der spiegel...I luv how dey hav a photo series uv day gayest shportin evr. caption fur dis foto courtesy of der spiegel -> Greasin' it up: competitors can stick their hands down an opponent's pants for a better grip, so olive oil is applied liberally down there too. /did yew rly just say that? .... ...... also would they show picz lik this if it wasn't turkish oil wrestlin? it's pretty obvz that europ. sexual deviancy/yummery iz bein projectd onto the east so dat they can enjoy it/despise it. grrrr.

FREEEEEDOMMM

GERMY ANGST

and lolz @ german chancellor angela merkel/berlin's city govy fur shnubbin obama at da bradenburg gate. obama, did yew rly think u cud speak dere when ur nawt prezzie yet? dat wuz a tad bit presumptious. jus sayin.//i'm rly psyched to hear his speech on thursday on the "historic us-german partnership" even if his new speech site iz a litl AWKY/PROBLEMATIC. //did yew research da "victory column" before you decided to speak dere obama campaign? for a campaign that's so in love with the symbolic meaning speech sites can carry (unity, nh, st. paul, mn) what will you say about this one? why didn't you choose to speak at the (brand) new memorial to gay holocaust victims/also the monument to the murdered jews of europe, both close to each other/also in tiergarten? o i kno, cause da Siegessäule iz actually just lik 500 yards in front ah da brandenburg gate so u'll still get it in da camera lens...

//also germy, you're feeling awkward that obama, your golden child, is speaking at a monument that was built to honor prussia's victory over your now allies denmark, austria, and france/moved to its current location by hitler, so let's talk about it. I feel that that awkwardness and anger is valid, he tries to speak at the bradenburg gate, and then decides to speak at a place of quasi-national shame in a country that's hosting him? also by situating himself at this monument he's connecting himself (as the potential military leader of the u.s.) with fukd up military leaders from germany's past. way to go.

but I have to pull it apart a little more. Germy...are you projecting your discomfort of your own past/present onto obama? It seems like you're upset at obama for connecting himself to those histories, and also for bringing up painful and awkward pasts and presents for yourself that you would've liked to forget./when he leaves, what will you do with that monument? take it down? move it to a museum? let it stay there as proof/celebration of our imperialist history? I think it's interesting how der spiegel is framing the speech site as being "contaminated by nazi past." as if there are parts of germany that aren't affected by a nazi past.

this reminds me of a conversation i had with my cousin andreas about a month ago, we were talking about anti-semitism in germany, the legacy of the holocaust for german non-jews, and how he thought anti-semitism is a thing of the past in germany and he shouldn't be made to feel guilty for something he "had no connection to."//sounds a lot like myself some years ago. he also said that he didn't see any anti-semitism in his area of d-land because there are "no jewish people" there, and i reminded him that maybe there're no jewish people (as far as he can tell) in his area because of the holocaust, and how those pasts are present in the way they manifest nonpresence. it seems that by saying that die Siegessäule (victory column) is specific in being connected to a nazi past, we also say that other places in germany have no such connection. in this way we (german non-jews) are able to quarantine off these "contaminated" sites that have direct connections to nazism (being handled by hitler), place the power and effects of nazism squarely in the past, distance ourselves from them, and further ignore the ways that past's present is much more nuanced, total, and far-reaching, and our places within it. the hands of the past are present all over you, germany, and if we don't find a way to connect those pasts into the present in a tangible, accountable, and healing way then we've gotta be set to deal with a lot more heartache and despair.

dr000ll

MAJOR LOLZ @ 2.58 da rest iz shnooozville

MAI NEW NUMBR 1

ZOMG IZ GONNA EAT ARIELZ BFFF HARFHARF

lolz, so iz totally g0nna mayke BREADED FLOUNDERRR in lik tew seczzz so funnn yum yum in da tum tummmeh. eeeee here's a pic of wat it'll kinda l00k liki shwish. lolz. AAAHH I EAT YEW NOWWWW

20 CENTIMETROS QUIERO SER SANTA

k i lovd da mobie 20 centimetroz, a musical about a narcoleptic trans woman sex worker, but why iz it dat with dese bigger release mobies about trans women/drag queens (20 centimetros, transamerica, too wong foo thanks for everything julie newmar), trans women aren't aktually playing lead roles/any role? i mean, probably a lot of reasons, a, hollywood will not allow visibly trans women to star in moviezz in a positive way, and b, fuk dat. i wonder if as my friend ovr at Haute Femme Trash was talkin about in her post on mzz. tila about sorority complexez, why is it framed as cis female actresses testing their acting credentials by trying to "pull off" a trans woman character? (i.e. supposing that trans womaness (?) is fundamentally different than cis womaness, different in the sense that it's not actually womaness.) also i've noticed that discussions of the actresses supposed super leet acting credz r based just on "wow, how did they make you look like a man trying to look like a woman?"//i haz many unarticulated thoughts about the use of trans bodies/narratives by/for cis audiences. maybe by controlling these narratives cis people tell stories of the constructed/"fake" "nature" of transness, and in the process underscore the naturalness of their own gender identity/?//i don't think it's coincidental that most cis-owned stories of transness i have seen have focused on trans women and talked about fakeness, because cis femininity is framed as fake too, as the opposite of supr natural cis masculinity. /maybe fixating on embodying trans stories happens because cis naturalness was never authentic in the first place?/mmuussstt aa.r.t.i.c.u.l.a.t.e. doez nawt compewtt system shutdown reb0000ttt//but lord knows i love vampires, and i'll give 20 centimetros a B++/A- for being pretty f-ing fabulous when there is so much garbage out there ('member da ending of ace ventura? /also silence of the lambz... .).

MALIBU

DAt last post inspird me to do a post on malibu from american gladiatorz, which was a show i was in love with when i wuz litl.

alzo i don't kno if anyone told yew mailbu, but ur basically holdin a big ol' peen ovr dere, plus ur hands aktulee coverin' da m on ur shortz, so now ur just "alibu".
also majoy broner action, sweeet. which bringz me tew my next thought of how recently im shtartin a collection on picz of broz in sports hafin huge bronerz//tryin tew get it on while shportin. lik diz odr one i found

also diz iz just a ridiculous video

DA HRD BODAI

Whoaz, so dis iz a first fur da kitteh korner, az diz post iz bein mayd derz a kewti kitteh sittin on my lap n playin wif my tweezers on my desk. o no noa itz sittin on my handsszzz...harf tarf0.0

++++++++++++++++++

+++++++++++++++++++++ ^---da kittehz contibution he did wif hiz butt k so iz recntlee gone on da hard bodai plan, which mainlee consists of me a, talkin about da hard bodai plan b, thinkin about da hard bodai, and c....cccczzzzzz b0ring. so anywayz iz doin push yups n sit upz n runnin everydai, in b00ty shortz while listenin tew macho man by da village popplz, which fur nao iz g0in pretteh well. also 'member doze cds dat were always on tv and i wud dr00l ovr all da tyme?, yea da pure disco shawmz? i g00tta find doze....

SUperr LECKE!

tyme fur da schwarzwaldkirsch kuchen und die lebkuchenherzen! a sehr kleine geschichte, when i was littl my muttie made me lebkuchen hearts for my 9th birthday party and dey took a long tyme tew mak and she put ribbons in dem n evryding, and i was suppper embarassed about them and i didn't want to wear mine becuz it mayd me feel diffrnt in frnt of da odr kidz...iz sry mommy i'll wear it noooww!! but for nao here r sum pretteh pichursss lecke lecke hoooosenflecke! psss gabbeh came up wif a gewd idea - skratch n shneeff blogz, iz g0nna werk on dat and get bak tew yew

DA GOULASH LLLAARRRRHHGHGHHGHH

drool drroool da goulash/rotcol/weißwurst/cervelatwurst partyyy!
yumyummleckelecke

GANZZZ FRITZIII!

So shwilz i was g00glin mahseylf tewdai, for profesh purposes onlehhh i shwar, i remembrd dat Fritz Mackensen shwuz all about da fArtttt, he shwuz diz germy realist/romantic painty, dat iz in mah fam an shtartd an artists colony calld worpswede, annnddddd grew up in da town mah daddeh grew yup in, we haf hiz picz all ovr mah haus, n i cud onleee find a littl shwam of dis sweet funeral scene dat he did dat we hav over our fire playc, but i luvs da shawm of da treeez. eeee

!!!!DEL LA GRACE VOLCANOOO!!!

Ok diz fartist del la grace volcano iz lik sooo kewl. iz had diz pic (jack's back) up on mah wall in mah shtudio all year. itz a diptych but i can't find da odr shwam (jackie revealed) it's ov dis shawm turned around takin off a hawt camo tank so u can see deyr brestzz. yea, yea. so hawt. plus sailorz yum, and da odr one iz kewl tew (at scott's). shez all lik, iz g0nna cry nao, but yew shwantz tew objectify meh cause iz lookin away n iz nawt wearin a shirt, an da odr onez all lik o jus try tew objectify her shwen she'z all sad cuz den iz gonna l00k u right in da eye n kick ur ass, plus iz givin her a shmewch.

DA BARBERINI DR0000LL

ZOMG diz iz nummer zwei in da p0sts on fartistzz. Diz (Da Barberini Faun aka Sleeping Satyr) wuz mayd by an unknownnnn fartistz in da hellenistic tymez in ancient greeezeey, n nao iz in München germy. ALSO just 'memberd dat i did a presentation on diz piece in mah high skewl art history class. lolzz! so hawt! mah teachr luvd it! what up mrs. deVito! harfharfharf.


Iz lik constantleee dr00lin ovr diz sculpchur, for obvi reasonz (obvi) n part uv dat iz, first da hellenistic tyme uv greek sculpture iz prob mah fave bcuz it wuz all about the DRAMZ, n also lik, a sweet mix of everyday dramz n da eXXtasy of fantasy. LEET. newayz, i luv diz one bcuz he's a faun, which is a symbol some fartists use to talk about da gay boyzz, n hez asleep, but lookin lik hez about tew wake up, n also der r so few imagez of hawt d00dz bein da OBJECT of desire rader den da subject. pluz, he'z bein suppprrr objectified (in a hawt way) becuz he's asleep, an in my fart werld dat = u can l00k as l0ng as yew shwant becuz derez no fear of confrontation from da figure. plus itz lik so mimetic but its a LITL ICKLE bit off kilter, so dat shwen u look at it frum dif angles it lookz lik it shufflin aroun. which iz so sweet for a sculpture tew dew spech when itz mixd wif da fact da he l00ks lik he's bout to wake up, itz lik hez shufflin in hiz sleep. MMMMMM WUNDERSCHÖN HEIßßß PRIMA TOLL AUSSSSGEEEZEITNICHTT FABELHAFTT GLESENDD!!!!!11!1! ok enuff ov mah dr00lin ovr dis schwulio faun

SPEZIAL FARTISTZ P0St!!11!1!1!!11

SHok so in ordr so dat i don haf tew verk on my resumeh, iz g0nna gib u dis amazor 1st in mah new series on da hawt artsy fartistsss. diz shawm here iz ALLISON TAYLORRRRR. Shez dewin all diz wif fukin w00d! sweeeet ass w00d laquerin shit which iz lik frum da reNAIzzance. Pr0pz tew yew Allison dat shit takez forevrrr! (nawt dat iz d0ne it but iz heard...yew kno)















I likz her shtuff becuz 1-she haz amazin sense uv plastic shpayce and managz tew keep it wonkey tew, an 2- diz lady knowz how tew mak dat w00d grayn werk fur her! plus 3- deze scenes r supr weird an eeerieee/=g00d narrativv. also 4- da whol fing dat itz mayd outta w00d but derez a seri dried yup dead landscape fing goin on in da picturz. yumm yummm yummm mah eyeballz likey